3 powerful tips for getting out of it
My narcissistic pervert ex manipulates my kids
3 powerful tips for getting out of it
In this video, I share with you 3 powerful tips for coping with your narcissistic perverted EX manipulating your kids!
When you are separated from a narcissistic pervert manipulator or an abusive man with whom you had children, you have a bond that cannot go away. You will have to be in regular contact with him for questions of visitation rights and accommodation, in particular, and divorce issues when you have been married.
When you read the conclusions of your lawyer, go to court, you will necessarily be led to “rehash” in spite of yourself your difficult story and sometimes to have your mind monopolized “on a loop”.
Of course these difficulties have been real and they are always complicated at the time of the contacts which you cannot avoid. You have a strong bond with this man by having one or more children but when these issues are not on the “agenda” it is absolutely important to disconnect completely, in order to get out of this grip to fully live your present and build the future you want.
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This fear that you have that he will manipulate your children is legitimate since you know what he is capable of. He is a man who knew how to charm you, who knew how to seduce you, put you forward at a given moment and who has this ability to move the people he has under his influence from hot to cold, from happiness to intense misfortune and you know that this behavior will be the same with your children.
When there is a separation, children want to be loved by both parents, father and mother at the same time. But when children see their father less, they may be afraid of “losing” him and losing his love, just as you once were afraid and sad that this relationship would end. They will thus want to “please” their father, to go in the direction he wants to take them to capture their attention and not feel rejected.
3 powerful tips for coping with your narcissistic perverted EX manipulating your kids: I am really delivering my vision to you frankly, although it is not always consensual and turns out to be quite different from the usual recommendations with which I personally do not agree.
- The first piece of advice is to be happy yourself for your children. If you shine if you are in the joy of this new life and your release, you will release an energy that is going to be positive for your children and that they will feel. You are going to appear to them as a stable parent that they are going to rely on and therefore you will give off a radiance and a warmth that is going to be completely different from the words of the father. No matter how much he says “Mum is like this, Mum is like that …”, your children will base themselves on how they feel personally and on their positive emotions with you and the confidence that you will exude.
Read also: Restoring confidence in love after a relationship with a narcissistic pervert
- The second piece of advice, which runs through this first piece of advice, to be happy is to spend quality time with your children, to make them happy in what they love. It’s not about bumping into material considerations, buying expensive toys, the latest fad phone, and overbidding financially. The idea is to spend time with your children and to share activities with them: a walk, a billiard table, a bowling, a trip to the pool where you will swim together, a bowling alley, a board game … Even with little of means because a separation can lead to difficult material consequences at any given time, you can share magical moments that will secure and stabilize your children.
- The third piece of advice is different from what is often said, which is that “children should not be mixed up with adult stories”. And my feelings and my view of things, in connection with my daily experience, is that this consideration is utopian!
Because in fact, children have seen you either tear yourself apart or be the victim of violence or have perceived strong tensions which have inevitably already affected them. And these tensions are already having repercussions on their perception of their environment and human relationships. They themselves will later come to have love stories and the way you deal with things structures or blurs the lines. I am deeply convinced that children have a very fine perception of situations which develops very quickly and that we can really tell them it as it is. This does not mean pouring out your pain, your anger, your unease or criticizing your ex-boyfriend who is also their father on your children.
But it’s talking to them about factual elements that also impact their daily lives and that help counter what their father is going to tell them about you or about totally false facts. Because your narcissistic perverse ex spouse will not be deprived of talking to them about the “situation” and about you up and down and across … And if your children hear only negative on one side, by dint of hearing the same thing over and over, that can naturally influence them and this is where we come to this idea of manipulation.
But you can get away with responding factually.
As for thoughts like “Mom she’s mean, she’s only thinking about her…”, we’ve seen that you can counter that by being happy yourself and doing shared acts where they’ll feel that ‘in fact all that can be said about you is nothing compared to what they see and what brings you together in joy. For everyday life there is a big difference between talking about facts and qualifying someone. And that you know because that’s what a manipulator does. It is thus not at all the same thing to say “Your father is a big asshole” and to say “Your father this month did not pay the alimony which was agreed in the judgment and I will have to do. overtime because we have to pay the gas bill ”. It’s very different.
I can help you on your particular situation in relation to the strings on which your manipulator will play in order to find what you can answer in a factual way in the various regular situations that will arise. Because when we are in the emotion, it is human, we also tend to fall into victim or accuser behavior. This factualization will reassure your children and allow them to structure themselves, to distinguish themselves between true and false in terms of events, words and concrete actions. And that turns out to be very liberating to move forward! Don’t forget to subscribe to my YouTube channel and you will find all my free videos, both of advice and motivation that I regularly offer you to get out of a relationship with a narcissistic pervert manipulator or a situation of violence conjugal.
For further : 15 mistakes you should NEVER make with a narcissistic pervert! 3 reasons that make the narcissistic pervert come back to you Agnes de Reulle Coach, Expert in liberation from domestic and family violence & in controlling the stress of legal proceedings Article written for Positive Words.
Agnès de Reulle
Coach, Expert in liberation from domestic and family violence & in controlling the stress of legal proceedings
Article written for Positive Words.